All In A Year’s Time
Dear Diary,
Thank you universe for blessing me in unexpected ways. I named the title All In a Year’s Time. It is reflective of me truly growing up and entering a new freedom zone. I launched all in a year’s time when I was 24 years old. I couldn’t find a job during the great recession and I was teetering into the dark zone. Mental health is a new age topic. We are continuing to uncover more truths as we encounter more and more links between external and internal environments. I love being a human being, how about you?
Back in 2011, I had to give myself a job. I had to fulfill my own job application. I was fresh off my thesis paper which earned me a Master of Science degree from a predominantly white university, facing an uncertain future. On top of the recession, I was young female Black, and educated. A quadruple threat to the white privileged, white-owned business privatized World I was walking into and getting slapped in the face. One time I scored higher than the average test taker on an assessment for a legal position at a high-end firm. They put me through loops which I passed and I felt ‘they are impressed by me’ energy. I sat in a lobby, thinking about how I would word my text to my parents, then boyfriend, and then friends. My outfit cost $400. My aunt invested in my wardrobe. She worked in banking and understood you need to walk the walk. As I sat, I felt, lucky to be working in such a prestigious place with no help, I did not have any connections. As the manager and two attorneys approached where I was sitting, I saw blankness on their faces. So, Miss Cordner, we’re not able to push you through to the final interview. We had a quick meeting and though you passed and….she paused…. We love you! We don’t think it is a good fit for the rest of the team. They asked me not to take it personally and wished me luck. What didn’t fit in? Me or my skin? Thankfully, the visionary leadership of Barack Obama gave hope. He ran on hope. He must’ve seen the future low-key. How would he know he was talking to not just me, but the next generation of American business leaders?
After that day, I sank into a low form. I stopped walking with confidence. I kept playing it back. I cannot ever change how I look. So am I now in debt and cannot compete with my white classmates for salaries because they fit in, though underqualified? Nope. Then something unexpected happened again. Not to me. To Trayvon Martin. I earned my master's degree under a Public Administration banner, my concentration was Criminal Justice and Policing Science. My thesis paper, Increased Public Awareness and Government Involvement Can Establish a Global Stand Against Human Trafficking Throughout the World, helped me find silent courage. Maybe Michelle O would call it, the power of the small. I earned an A+ and held onto that hopefulness that I could achieve more than even I thought. My Facebook feed became my activist scroll. With millions of deep breaths and le sighs along the way, I outspokenly challenged, anyone really, who wanted to discuss what was happening in major cities across the nation. The unarmed slaying of Black children, women, and men gave me a “job” within the safety of my education. I KNEW what I was talking about in comparison to the uneducated, overly emotional, anti-logical, copy-and-pasted opinionated forum social media quickly turned into. It took me the last 6 years to survey humanity to recognize it wasn’t the lack of comprehension but more so it is a lack of emotional intelligence in the Black community on Facebook. Maybe offline too. I made calls to voters in Georgia with the help of the King Family. Black America just needs more Black empowerment. What do you think?
Growth. All in a year's time defines reflection of one's self. I objectively work on myself by talking to strangers. Last year and maybe the years before I felt like the anti-hero in my immediate friendship circle. It was a group of women who I've known since living in college. During the pandemic, safety circles were imperative for our survival. We hopped on apps like Hangout and Zooms - throwing everything from birthday shots to workout sessions to wtf is happening sessions. All the while, my husband told me he noticed a sadness after I would come offline. I would retreat essentially as if I felt drained by this particular group’s energy. I knew I was growing up in a wholesome kind of adult way. The type of change that blocks specific frequencies. We’re energetic beings. Maya Angelou, one of my spiritual guides since childhood, spoke about the magic of human beings found during child’s play. Playing is magic she said, it’s all in the mind. I operate as an Alpha in my daily life since I was very younger. I cannot recall ever just flowing randomly through my life. In Hudde, my JHS, I was depressed so I needed something “happy” to look forward too. It was the dance classes and drama rehearsals after-school they did it for me. So I can perform? Yasss! Most of us are stuck in beta mode, going to the same schools, and the same workplaces for a lifetime, talking to the same church people, doing the same routines year after year, and never activating the higher level of consciousness. This is how we SURVIVE. Alphas like myself, meditate or tap into a heightened reality the minute we wake up. We believe in sage, horoscopes, and the power of the metaphysical world. It is physical magic. Sometimes I feel like a good witch. Other times I am driven to pour gas on a fire to make sure it is really burning. We’re the ones they consider “deep” when you meet us. Kidding, you get called a weirdo. I took that into the title for my FB page, Writer Dreamer Weirdo. Sleeping and waking rituals are usually found among these kinds of humans. I smoke weed to slow down my creative thoughts at rest, I meditate on the ground to awake.
Happy New Year. You are not here by accident. Now live your best fucking life!
Love Tee
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